Which way are you heading? may sound like a strange question, because as far as time is concerned, we can only head in one direction!
But many of us, me included can spend so much time focused on the past that we fail to move forwards.
For me I spent far too long looking backwards at events where I was treated very badly and I kept letting it replay in my head over and over again for too many years.
It literally stopped me moving forwards and kept me trapped in the past!
I know that it is easier said than done, certain events in our lives can be like scars that fail to heal and it doesn’t help that we keep picking away at the wound.
I have learnt to stop looking back and allowing the past to hurt me today.
I now begin a new chapter in my life and I am exploring something that has been seated deep inside me for so so many years. I don’t know where this journey will take me but I know it is forwards!
So how do we learn to move on?
The first thing is that any wound, physical or mental takes time to heal and we have to allow the process of healing to work and that can sometimes take years.
Things like bereavement, domestic abuse, bullying, crime, family disputes, drug addiction, alcoholism, being homeless, divorce or separation and so many more triggers can leave is in a loop and stuck in the past.
But it is important to recognise when it has been too long and that the wound is just not healing.
And just like a physical injury, we may need to help from a qualified person like a counsellor help us to look into the wound and help us understand why it refuses to heal.
I have finally managed to keep looking forwards, it wasn’t easy but now that I have, I feel like a weight has been lifted.
It is usually when we are idle that we allow the past to come back and hurt us again and when I say idle, I don’t mean being lazy. I mean that when we are at rest, when we are not occupied with mental or physical distractions.
This is usually at night, there is little noise, the room is dark and we lay there and we then start thinking back to the event or events that scarred us.
I have trained myself to not allow this to happen and it didn’t happen overnight!
Every time those thoughts crept into my head, I just said to myself “Nope!” and cleared the thoughts out of my head.
And I know that is easier said than done!
Without a doubt, meditation has allowed me to be able to now do this.
When we meditate we ideally need a quiet room but it is hard nowadays to find somewhere without any noises at all, even out of town in the countryside there will be bird song, overhead aircraft etc.
And that is okay, through meditation you learn to tune out those noises or rather accept them and not allow them to distract you and the same for random thoughts that pop into our heads while we try to meditate, we learn to accept that thought and then get rid of it.
It is that process that can help to get rid of the thoughts of the past that still harm us today.
I am now able to clear my mind and stop the hurtful events of the past from hurting me today!
It is also about acceptance, we have to accept what happened in order to move forwards!
I am now moving forwards and not looking backwards, I have also accepted what happened and it is like a breath of fresh air.
The saying “Every cloud has a silver lining!“ is so true and I obviously am not using this for events like a loved one, family member or close friend dying.
When we are still looking backwards, when the wounds are still raw, it will be impossible to see any positive side of what happened, but eventually in some way, there will be a silver lining.
I struggled to see any good from my involvement with the Roman Catholic Church, the wounds were still there and I was always picking at them. Now I know that despite the eventual outcome, I learnt a lot and gained a lot.
Without it, I doubt I would be able to post my video reviews on YouTube, I learnt to speak in public and it is a big silver lining.
I also learnt a lot from the people that I met, especially the older members who I would visit. Some of their life stories are still with me today and they have helped me to become who I am now.
I can see all of this and much more because I stopped allowing the past to be hurtful and to move forwards.
And this new journey that I am on is something I wish I had done many decades ago, but I now realise that I needed to go through what I have in order to be where I am now!