No it is not a catchy title for a blog post to grab attention, we are losing our home!
I am disabled, a wheelchair user, in constant pain, I have ME and my mental health is a ticking timebomb.
Unfortunately I am unable to work and my wife is my carer and that means that we have no permanent home, we rent, in fact we have moved about 14 times in the 30 years that we have been together.
I have never felt so settled as I have here, I have never felt so at home and so happy.
The bungalow is not fully wheelchair accessible but I manage, the property is cold and draughty but we are happy.
I have had poor mental health for too many decades, with the addition of chronic pain and I have on countless occasions considered the easy way out, after all it is very hard to keep living a groundhog life in pain with no light at the end of the tunnel!
However for the past 4ish years, my mental health has been okay and that is partly because blogging is so cathartic but it is mainly because of the garden.
When we moved in the garden that is about 100′ x 40′ was mainly grass, the small border you can see was nothing when we moved in and we brought it back to life.
Despite my disability we have worked hard on the garden, which means doing a little bit when I can and then waiting for the resulting flare up to pass and doing some more and repeat.
Gardening has saved me!
Then of course came the bees. My wife suddenly said “you can have a bee hive if you want” and this has been a dream of mine for so many years and as she is scared of bees, this was huge!
And my beekeeping journey began.
Everything seemed to be going well, yes we struggle financially, I am in pain, disabled, yadda yadda yadda!
This year for the first time I had blogs and Videos planned, I was going to be working with a garden tools company, a beekeeping supplies company and other projects and then
Yep a bomb was dropped on us and it shattered our world.
I am not ashamed to say that this 53 year old, 6′ 4″ tall man weighing 20st cried.
I am scared
I am scared at losing our home, our garden, our security.
I am scared of myself, my mental health came crashing down and I am scared of going back to thinking that life is not worth living.
Of course I realise that sounds selfish, I have a wife, daughters, grandchildren but when that cloud descends, you can’t see those things, only the darkness.
Our mental and physical health are not separate, when my mental health dips, I am more susceptible to the chronic pain, that then pushes my mental health lower and I spiral out of control.
The landlord has offered alternative property, a bungalow but it is very small and we are going to see if I can get in and about it in my wheelchair. The back garden is about 15 feet long!
The property is not suitable for a wheelchair user, the dimensions would make access and navigating around impossible.
I doubt this means that we are saved even though this exchange of properties is a no go, in fact it makes us in a worse position.
Finding alternative accommodation is impossible and that is not an exaggeration!
The rent here is cheap, but also trying to rent a property when you are on benefits and a wheelchair user is like trying to find that elusive needle in a haystack.
We have done a search for rented properties and the results were a further deepening sense of impending doom!
I am sorry to write something so gloomy and full of despair, but this blog started as a way for me to offload, blogging is cathartic and bottling it all up is not good.
We literally need a miracle!