Its probably only been about four(ish) weeks since I had my PiP assessment and yet it feels like it was months ago, this wait to find out if I lose my disability benefits is tortuous and its possibly the reason that I am having the flare up from hell!
I know that according to their ruling and their point system, that I am entitled to PiP and after all it is replacing my DLA (disability living allowance) that was awarded indefinitely to me, well that was until our caring government wanted to replace it (scrap it) for something more suitable (so they could save money)!
However like many other people, I have read blogs and tweets from disabled people who should have recieved the benefit and yet failed to score enough points and then subsequently many of them lost their motability vehicles. We don’t have a motability vehicle but it helps to keep our old Y reg (2000) running. The money also helps with extra costs, things like the fact that our heating is on 24/7 in winter and that includes this mild winter, the fact that we are at home all day and so both gas and electric bills are higher and other costs that most disabled people encounter, it doesn’t keep me in luxury, despite what the media says about people on welfare.
So everyday when I hear the post arrive, my pulse races and I feel sick and my wife has to go straight away to see if it’s “the letter”, but so far it hasn’t been and so I lay in bed at night and I can’t sleep because I’m in pain and so I think about what will happen if I don’t get awarded PiP and that obviously causes stress and so my pain rises or makes me more susceptible to pain.
I’m laid in a building, I dare not call it home because it’s a private rent and losing PiP would mean we can’t afford to top up the rent. Yes our rent exceeds what housing benefit pays because the government capped the rent and yet the fact that I live in my home town that is pricey, the fact that I need a bungalow and the fact that not many people accept housing benefit now means we have no choice but to pay a rent top up. That was a struggle and so the news that council tax would not be covered fully by benefits and that we would have to top it up as well was another kick in the teeth from our beloved government who truly care?
So my pain is sky high and I’m way out of spoons and so that means that I get chest pains, when I’m running low I get an inverted T-wave show up on my ECG and that’s the cause of the chest pain. I’m told it’s not going to harm me as it’s been checked out, normally its the sign of a heart attack and they say it’s best to get it checked just in case, but I won’t because when I’m in heaps of pain and feeling so crap, the last thing I want is to be laid up the hospital being prodded and poked and uncomfortable and now I also know that our local hospital is Code Black because of cut backs, yes by our beloved government again and so any visit would be hours upon hours. Yes the initial “oh crap is he having a heart attack”, would be dealt with very quickly but then once the panic dies down, I’m just laid there for ages and most likely in a corridor because they are struggling.
I used to feel safe knowing that if there was too much pain for me to cope, I could go to A&E (ED/ER) and they would help but now I don’t feel safe because that safety, our amazing NHS has been brought to its knees in what most people think is an attempt to privatise it and make our rich millionaire Tory MP’s and their chums even more money like they did with Royal Mail.
Our country has stopped moving forwards, it is now returning to a time where people couldn’t afford to have a roof over their heads, where families had empty food cupboards and where people’s health was put at risk because they couldn’t be treated. Already we have seen the TB vaccination that all teenage school children once recieved, scrapped because apparently TB was gone from the UK and yet now we are seeing cases appear and if we have illegal immigration, its likely to be reintroduced because the people who are entering illegally are escaping poverty, war and so on and those areas may not be TB free.
I started this about PiP and yet as I lay in the dark whilst my wife sleeps because I’m in pain, my mind starts running over all my fears, fears about my safety and the safety of other people in my situation and those who could find themselves in this situation at any time.
Thousands and thousands of people are crying out for help and being ignored, our Tory government is being allowed to discriminate against those that need the most help. They say it’s because we are a country in debt and then I watch the news and see a fighter jet take of and drop bombs worth enough money to support me and many others in just one bombing run, how does this happen?
Anyway, I’m off because I need to try and forget about all of this, even if it’s for a short while.