Christmas, a day that is sold to us from the very beginning, a time for family and friends to be happy and to eat and drink.
Unfortunately there are many of us who despite wanting to eat, drink and be merry, just struggle to do so. We are not a collection of real life Scrooges and a trio of ghosts dragging us through time would do nothing to help our predicament.
We are spoonies, well at least that is how we refer to ourselves because we count our energy or our ability to keep going in spoons, you can read about the spoon theory and how it was thought up here.
I try to manage my day by how much energy I have, how much pain I am in and how likely what activities are to cause pain and fatigue. Christmas is tiring anyway, we have guests who stay for dinner and the mandatory silly games but add in pain and fatigue and you find yourself pushing beyond what your body can handle.
Instead of looking forward to Christmas, I am worried. I will still enjoy seeing my daughters and my grandson open their presents and I will certainly enjoy the food, but it’s tiring, its like running a marathon when you normally only manage a quick run round the block.
Pain is tiring, I guess that’s the big surprise for me, I didn’t think about pain being tiring. If we have visitors or go to visit my mum, I do my best to keep going, I don’t want to cut a visit short or announce that I’m off to bed when we have guests and so I push myself to keep going, then when I can relax, I collapse.
We have my mother in law and her husband coming to us on Christmas day, I try my best to hide my discomfort (pain not them lol) and that adds to the fatigue. Christmas dinner is never a quick meal, it involves a few courses and the polite chit chat and so its at least an hour where I have to be sat at the table, that requires a dose of Oramorph and its still agony. Last time we went to dinner at my mums, I laid on the dining room floor in-between dinner and dessert and then when we went into the lounge, I was once again laid on the floor. I feel able to do that because it’s my mum and so I feel at ease and yet with anyone else, no matter how long I have known them, I can’t reveal the weak me.
I know that Christmas is going to be wrapped in pain for many of the spoonies that I know through social media, pain and illness weaves its way into every part of our lives, it changes who we once we’re and it leaves us questioning how people see us. I hope that despite what spoonie life does to us, I hope that you still find a way to enjoy Christmas, I wish you a day where hopefully you have the lowest pain possible or the least symptom free possible, we will enjoy Christmas and we will borrow as many spoons as we can and worry about payback afterwards.
Merry Christmas to my spoonie family.