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The first cut?

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I laid there and felt the knife cut through the skin on the pad of my left big toe, a sharp cut like a paper cut and I groaned at the sudden pain.
I wasn’t laid on an operating table, I wasn’t even laid in a hospital or doctors surgery, in fact I was laid on the settee under a blanket and my groaning drew my families attention away from the television. My daughter was sat at the end of the settee and I asked her to take a look at my toe, I explained what I had felt and she laughed “dad, seriously why would your toe be cut, how would it be cut”, she had a point and I already knew that it was unlikely to actually be cut. Other sensations are feeling like a nail is being driven through my knee and feeling like I am getting static electricity shocks in various places on my legs and feet.
I have CRPS, Complex regional pain syndrome and that is why it felt like my toe had been cut, a nasty pain syndrome that was triggered when I had my left knee replaced in 2010. I’m in the middle of a pain flare up and my legs feel like I have very bad sunburn, they are also hypersensitive and so I wear very soft pyjama bottoms all the time because anything that brushes against my skin causes pain, even the bed sheets hurt if I sleep just in my boxer shorts.

Many people have it worse than me, not only with CRPS but with a multitude of conditions. My organs are okay, my mind is okay just a little fuzzy from the meds and I can feed myself, that keeps me going and my motto “If it hurts, you’re still alive” has served me well for many years.
I may have had to let go of some dreams, but they are not lost and if it comes to that, I will build new dreams.

Until next time!

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