Today, well since the weekend I have had No spoons and a newborn granddaughter!
On Wednesday our two year old grandson Oscar came to stay with us for the night, my youngest daughter Katie was due to give birth on 29th January and so she was very tired and needed the rest.
I love him so much and I am called ‘GaGa’ not Gramps like I had hoped, I love having him to stay but it does leave me absolutely worn out.
Thursday morning my daughter had to go the hospital for a check up and they discovered that she had high blood pressure and protein in her urine. This is a sign that she had pre-eclampsia which can kill mum and baby if it gets too bad and so she was told that she would have to stay in until baby was born. There was also a risk that night that if her blood pressure didn’t settle, then she would have to have a caesarean.
Fortunately that wasn’t the case and on Friday it seemed like she was having contractions but that wasn’t going to happen and it wasn’t until 15.59 hrs the next day that Olivia Grace was born. Katie was told they had to stay in to monitor them and luckily they did as Olivia’s blood sugar dipped and she had a feeding tube inserted over night.
Meanwhile I was losing spoons that I didn’t have (Spoon Theory explained here) and I was unsure how I was managing to keep going, I actually felt so drained and unwell on one night when I went to bed that I shed a few tears.
My wife went to visit them at the hospital on the Sunday and whilst I was so gutted that I couldn’t visit, I so wanted to see our granddaughter. However the peace once the front door was shut was very much needed and I laid on the settee enjoying the stillness.
I didn’t have to wait long though, that evening they said they my daughter and Olivia could go home and as they live almost opposite us, they came in so I could have a cuddle with my newborn granddaughter and after having a 2 year old crawling over me, she seemed so small, well she is small at 7lb 3oz.
I am now trying to rest up, they have visited us everyday and I love seeing them, I am still running on just a few spoons but we do learn to get by. That means I shower twice a week and sometimes if I am feeling really rough, it’s just once.
Donna has been giving me extra D-Ribose in my cup of tea and dosing me with Metatone. So I am sure that it won’t belong before I am just feeling tired and in pain instead of feeling like I have run a marathon everyday whilst being run over every mile.
Being a disabled Gramps and having chronic pain and fatigue is challenging, I would love to be out kicking a ball with Oscar or sat on the floor playing cars but I can’t and so I have to do things with him whilst sat on the settee or in bed. So Gramps or GaGa is the story reader and the cuddler and Oscar seems to understand that his Gaga can’t do things like everyone else. We went round the shops, I was feeling as good as I get and so I was pushing round with them and he kept looking at me and saying “GaGa?” because I don’t usually go out. He also loves to sit on the footplate of my wheelchair and uses his feet to push himself around.
Being disabled, in pain, having chronic fatigue or chronic illness will always mean that we can’t do the things we want, but with some adjustment and acceptance we can still be there for our children or grandchildren.