A blog post written by my wife on what its like to put up with me!

Firstly let me introduce myself, my name is Donna and I am Zec (Darren’s) wife, this may confuse you, why have I put Darren in brackets?

Well this was his actual name; however, he went through a mid life crisis in his thirties and changed his name to Zechariah, but I married Darren, so I will always refer to him as this, but that really is another story lol

We have been together for 25 years, we have two daughters and one grandson, we met when I was only 17 years old and Darren was 22, my parents as you can imagine were a bit concerned and didn’t think we would last especially when we announced after only four months of being together that we were getting engaged, WHAT, I bet you are saying right now, that is also what our parents said, but on my 18th birthday we had our engagement party, and we have proven them all wrong, that you can fall in love in such a short time and for them to be the right one, for this I am extremely lucky.

Well after such a long time of being together, you can imagine that we have certainly had our ups & downs, and we have once in all these years been close to giving in, but we carried on and got through different problems, this has made us both so much stronger, which I feel is what is helping us through Darren’s disability now, it is very tough at times, he can frustrate me so much, living with someone who is in constant chronic pain is so hard, to watch someone you love hurting and there is nothing you can do for them, what is worse is when you hear them saying how much pain they are in, it seems to go through me, as if I haven’t heard it, but I have heard those words, but I have heard them everyday numerous times for the past seven years, now are you saying that is a bit harsh?  Well the thing is I am numb to it now, when someone first hurts themselves, you will be full of empathy, the way I can explain it is imagine Julie Walters saying in her Brummy accent “oh, Darren are you alright”, “come here and let me kiss it better”,  but I would be totally exhausted myself if I had to react to him like that 24/7; so the only way I can get on and care for him is to be numb to the constant “ I’m in pain”, this doesn’t mean that I don’t care for him any less, but I probably just sound like a parrot, asking him if he’s remembered to take is medication, does he want some Morphine or has he put some Voltarol gel on etc….. I’m sure that this must drive him mad!!!

There are many times when I feel envious of other NORMAL families, I would love to go on holidays, go out for meals, go for a walk through the woods, but these are things that can no longer happen, we both sit and dream about winning the lottery, where we would go and what we would do, but to be honest, it would still be the same, the only difference is we might have a bit of hope that going privately would help, but would it?

Even though it can be hard at times, I wouldn’t change a thing, as I love Darren and we were meant for each other, we are complete opposites but slot together like a piece of a puzzle.

I will have to stop there as I’m being nagged for writing too much, thank you for reading Donna xxx

5 thought on “Life on the other side. A wife & carers view!”
  1. Reblogged this on lettersfromapillbottle and commented:
    It’s so hard, I think, for us to get honest answers from our caregivers, especially if they’re our loved ones. I know I must drive mine nuts, but she never says, never gives it away. To see an honest perspective of it, like this, is amazing, a relief, a balm on my soul.

  2. Can she write regularly? It’s so interesting to see what it’s like from the care-giver’s side, but when they’re so honest like that. So many care giver’s blogs are all glossy and bright and fake. They’re filled with guilt and crap. Your wife … wow. I’d love to hear more from her. My caregiver would never tell me stuff like that; it would break her heart if I knew stuff like that. But I need to know, you know? So thanks for all of that. It was brilliant.

    1. Our family works on pure honesty and thats even if it’s not good, I know to many people that sounds strange but it works for us. Sometimes my wife and daughters will say “go to bed, you’re grouchy, have a nap” and so I do.
      My wife has said she will write some more.

      1. That’s so great. We’re working on that here, but it’s hard to do. Especially if you’ve been raised Catholic, I think! I’ve enjoyed following your blog, and your wife was a treat. Please tell her how much I enjoyed her writing.

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