I often get told I’m grumpy today or asked what is wrong, it doesn’t upset me but it confuses me because my family are fully aware that I’m in pain 24 hrs a day and it fluctuates, so I’m obviously not going to be bright and breezy when I feel like that.
I actually think I do quite well, I try to keep as much of it hidden as I can, although sudden nerve pain can cause me to have a little curse.
Inside I want to scream out and have a rant because of what is happening but firstly it’s unfair on those around me and secondly because I’m in pain all the time it would get very boring for them.
I watched a programme last night called GP’s behind closed doors, a woman had been hit by a van that mounted the kerb and hit her and her children, she had suffered a leg injury and when telling the nurse about the incident she broke down, she had fought on but in that moment when the nurse placed her hand on her and said “it must be difficult” or something like that, she allowed herself to finally release all the hurt and sadness that had been caused by this traumatic event.
That’s how I feel, I’m pushing on and on but I know at some point that it will all come out, like a vessel under pressure the cracks will soon start to appear as more and more stress over more and more time is applied. Even the strongest of vessels can only last so long, but the question is how do I under control vent this pressure to stop a major explosion that hits everyone around with the shrapnel of raw emotion.
The answer is to talk and it doesn’t have to be a counsellor, talking to family or friends who understand or at least empathise with your situation can be extremely beneficial. You don’t have to be suicidal to call the Samaritans, they are there to listen to you and can help to release some of that pressure and emotion that long term illness, disability, chronic pain can bring. I find writing my blog to be very cathartic, rather than keeping all my thoughts and emotions locked away I release them through the keyboard and it really works. I have even heard of people who write a letter to someone imaginary and they find that this is enough to stop that explosion of emotions eventually appearing.
The worst thing we can do is bottle it up over a long period of time, even if it means that when you are alone you yell and shout and curse into thin air, a good yell can work miracles but remember it’s not a solution that is going to keep you from eventually needing to seek proper help.
There is nothing wrong wrong with seeking the help of someone trained, there is no shame in admitting that you need that help, after all its what they are there for and its difficult to judge for yourself exactly how low or stressed you actually are.
Asking for help is not a weakness, it takes strength!