I knew that I was feeling low and I was worried that I might become depressed but I thought I was in control, it turns out I was wrong and the way I found out was a complete shock.
I’m sat her as usual on the settee, my pain levels aren’t low but then they’re not out of control. I watched a few recorded programmes from last night and then I noticed that Top Gun was on shortly and so I selected the channel.
The film starts and the music begins, I had to turn up the volume because the film brings back memories, good memories. The track “Highway to the danger zone” starts playing and instantly those memories come alive, I was 20 and me and my cousin would be out driving around in his VW Beetle. We loved the film and watched it so many times on video and I even managed to overlay the soundtrack with some of the film audio and we played it over and over. Driving around with our Raybans and just enjoying life, young and without a care, life was so good.
So when I burst into tears today as the music played because of how my life has turned out and how I am now looked upon as a second class citizen because I’m unfortunate to be in pain and disabled, once a Top Gun pilot and now flying a cargo plane full of rubber dogshit out of Hong-Kong, I realised that I was indeed depressed and that I need help!