Many things in my opinion are a bad mix. Courgette in Chilli, Salad at a barbecue, Phil & Holly and of course flare-ups and visitors!

I have unfortunately found myself in a flare up that seems to be intent on not fucking off any time soon, I think we are now in week four.

When I am having a flare-up, I always become even more unsociable and demand we have no visitors (that rarely works).

This is because as anyone with chronic pain and or chronic health will know, when you wake up you have already, as the saying goes, “had it up to here”!

I have explained it to my family like a glass.

Most people wake up, and the glass is empty or at least it only has a little water in it and so as the day goes on and what we deal with or cope with slowly fills up the glass, we like that glass have the capacity to deal with it.

During flare up, I wake up, and that glass is already full.

So what I have to deal with, even if it is something quite small and to most people insignificant. It adds to my glass and the result is it all spills over!

Unfortunately, this flare up has been a long one and it has coincided with two events!

Saturday the 7th was my daughter’s Baby Shower that was held at ours, it was in the garden and I stayed indoors, but people were coming in and the time from 2pm until the last people left at 6.30pm, well it seemed like a lifetime and I had been wrung out and had nothing left.

Saturday the 14th, yesterday was my birthday and my daughter and her boyfriend and my other daughter and her fiancé and the three grandkids along with Mum and her husband came for lunch. Then later in the day the in-laws (divorced) and their partners visited.

By the time again at about 6.30pm when they left, my glass wasn’t just full, it had exploded and water was everywhere!

I know I got short with them, my wife gave me ‘the look’ but the pain was overwhelming, my head felt twice as hot as my body and I was desperate for quiet, a chance for my brain to sigh with pleasure.

It is difficult!

Yes, we have to take control and do what is best for us. We need to be able to text family and friends and say not today please or to speak up and say “I am feeling very unwell, could you leave please” or at least be able to say, if you are visiting, I need people to have left by 4pm.

It is the right thing for us, and yet socially it is severely frowned upon.

And so we end up in the situation I was in yesterday!

Something that is going on in my wife’s family that is not nice and very stressful was the topic of conversation and it was a long, intense and brain frying conversation.

In my head my brain is telling me “Tell them to sod off” and yet I know that it is wrong for me to say that and even in a polite way, it is frowned upon to say “Sorry, I am in a shitload of pain, I feel very unwell, this is too much for me”!

There is also the problem that when I get like this, my ability to think is so low and so I forget to use my Flare Audio Isolates Ear Plugs. This also happens when I am in a lot of pain overnight, I just don’t think to take some Oramorph.

So I feel worse and worse, pain builds, I become hypersensitive and like a pressure cooker with no release valve, I explode.

It wasn’t a Mount Vesuvius explosion, but I was stern, abrupt and made it clear that I had had enough.

I think you would have to be looking the other way and in a neighbouring property to not realise I was having a really shit day or days, but it doesn’t seem to occur to people that maybe visiting is not a good idea.

I am now undecided if I should message and apologise or whether I should leave it because they should have known and just quickly visited.

And like many spoonies, our outlet for this is our blog, a place where we can share life’s struggles!

How do you deal with rough days and visitors?

Do you tell them to not visit or to leave, or do you suffer it?

By Zechariah Richardson

Over 50, disabled, husband, father and gramps who reviews products and writes blog posts about his life, beekeeping, gardening and whatever pops into his brain!

4 thought on “Flare-ups and Visitors”
  1. Mate,
    Happy Belated Birthday first of all! I hear you!
    Luckily, our family & friends know of the pain (and mental pressure) that I go through daily.
    You helped me out a few years ago when I first started out on my journey, so now I feel like I am able to reply.
    You don’t owe them a thing! Our F&F know that after about an 90 minutes, I have to relieve the pressure on my spine, so I lay down. I have no problem saying, “thanks for stopping by, I’ll see you later”. Then go to my room. I have also asked people to leave. They don’t like it, they don’t have to come back. A few of them have never returned. Oh well!
    Yesterday, your birthday, our anniversary, we were having a small bbq with 14 total. I knew that it was going to be a struggle, so I laid down for 2 hours before anyone arrived. It didn’t help! An hour into the evening, I was ready to take my leave.
    But I want to finish my dinner (ribeye steak and lobster) so I sat there, ate and when I was finished eating, I said my good-byes, thanked everyone and off to me room.

    So, when you need your peace and quiet, tell them! Your peace of mind and pain is more important! Either ask them to leave or if possible, go to your room. If they get in a huff, then they are not true friends.

    So no, no apologies necessary.
    Hope your flair up subsides soon! Your bees need tending!

    1. I should have made my excuses and gone to bed!
      Maybe it is because I can be a bit of a stubborn old bugger and hate the fact that I have to go to bed in my own home to get peace.
      But I shall do that next time if my soon-to-be discussion of my health and the need for short visits isn’t successful!

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