We all have that moment when we see a photo of ourselves, catch our image in the mirror or see a video of ourselves and we repel in horror!
I don’t think I have ever been totally happy with the person I see in the mirror and I have in particular shied away from full length shots of me sat in my wheelchair.
I know you know what I mean.
How many of us sit there cropping a photo to exclude the bits we don’t like or adding filters and screaming at a friend or loved one “delete that, don’t you dare post that!”
One of the things that has come from blogging but mainly the reviews is that I have learnt to accept who I am and be happy with what I see on the screen.
I have edited countless hours of reviews footage using the Shotcut software and at first I hated it, listening to my voice, seeing myself on camera, but slowly over time it becomes the norm and you learn too accept what you see and hear.
Having a beard has played a massive part in this, despite the many who keep telling me to shave. I am happier with my image, I prefer my look with a beard.
I had a goatee beard and shaved head for around 20 years, now looking back I think that this was partly because having CFS and Mental Health issues, I used it as an armour. It made me look tougher, stronger and I liked that because inside I felt so weak.
Four years ago I decided to grow a full beard and it was only meant to be a temporary thing but I loved it so much that it stayed.
But still I would if possible, avoid full length photos and so this year I forced myself to post more photos of me sat in the wheelchair and again I have now accepted it.
And it feels good to finally after 52 years, to be happy with who I am and the final step was when I decided to let my hair grow again. I was sat on the bed with the clippers and going round my ears on grade 0 and I called my daughter in and asked her to clip but leave the very top alone.
Again it was meant to be temporary, I was just curious at how grey my hair would be if I let it grow but the more it grew, the more I liked it and so did my family with my mum being very happy with my decision.
So at 52 years of age, I am finally happy with the man I see in the mirror. The grey hairs, the wrinkles, the excess weight and being a wheelchair user and even now not being worried about my legs which I would always try and cover up as the muscles have wasted away and I have scars.
And it is a great feeling, to no longer repel at the sight of your own image, to have confidence in just accepting that is who we are.