I am sometimes reminded that my family don’t understand what I am going through.
And it is understandable because I don’t think I would if I wasn’t going through it myself!
I have been having a lot more flare ups recently and even though I was feeling so rough last Sunday, I knew that I had to do an inspection of the beehive.
I am glad I did as it settled my mind as I now know they have enough stores for winter but whilst doing it, I knew I was pushing myself too far.
And as expected I paid for it and the flare up got worse!
The pain is something that although it isn’t very nice, I am used to it and even through really bad flare ups, I can handle it mentally and just wait for it to pass or settle down.
But the mental effects like Brain Fog are harder to handle and especially like yesterday when I had mental fatigue.
When fatigue hits me mentally, it floors me.
It is a complete fatigue of the brain and at about 4 o’clock yesterday it started to become a problem. I should have really had a nap, even half an hour can make a big difference but I don’t seem to learn.
So I pushed on, I wasn’t doing anything except for looking at social media when I had a notification and watching TV but even that can be too much and by 7pm I was in trouble.
I am a creature of habit, I need certain routines to make me feel settled and watching our box sets in the evening is important to me and I am usually in bed by 8pm and I then read, go on Twitter or even and yes I know … I play Animal Crossing on the Nintendo Switch.
My daughter got me into that and it is laid back and gives me something to do!
But last night getting through that last hour was akin to how some of the Marathon runners look as they approach the finish line, legs buckling and just not being able to function.
I am aware that I am probably hard work when I am battling mental fatigue, I become very intolerant of noise, smell and too much going on and I think, no, I know I take being grumpy to a new level!
It is because it feels like my head is going to explode, I feel like I am going to just break down in tears and I would likely scream out if I had the energy to do so.
It is actually impossible to fully explain what it is like and so my family can’t possibly understand because I can’t tell them exactly what I am going through.
I feel them getting angry with me because of how I am and I find that very hard because I am not being a miserable old bastard for the sake of it.
Last night I got into bed at 8pm and just tried to sleep.
So even though it hard when loved ones and the others around us don’t seem to understand and get frustrated with us, the question is, ‘Would we understand if we weren’t experiencing it ourselves?‘
It is important though to try and explain how it feels and ask them to try and understand that we are fighting a battle with our own bodies and losing and their support makes that battle a bit easier!
Can anyone who also goes through this level of mental fatigue explain it better?
If so please leave a comment and tell me how you describe it to people!