I am laid in bed and had just finished reading a couple of chapters of a book, settling down ready to go to sleep and as I move, I move my left leg slightly and……….
Sudden and excruciating pain that almost has me in tears.
Now before this whole nightmare began, this sort of pain would have had me heading for A&E or the ER as it is called in some countries, it was that bad.
So then I have a night where I just cannot sleep because of the increase in pain and I am used to pain, I am after all in pain 24/7.
I took Oramorph when I got into bed, after this happened and twice more during the night and it did not help. I also tried the many coping stratagies that I have learnt over the years and still I can’t sleep because of the pain.
Now those of you that read my blog posts, you will know that I have on many many occassions requested an above the knee amputation.
It is because of this reason and this happens to me more times a week than I can count!
I have no false hopes of being pain free or of walking again, I am aware I will still be in pain but to take away that knee would mean I would be able to move, to transfer to and from my wheelchair without the added pain.
Yes I know, he’s off again moaning about this!
I had a total knee replacement in March 2010 and initial signs were good, I worked hard to get a good degree of movement in the knee and did it quickly because I was determined to recover.
Back then I could easily push for miles in my wheelchair, I could function and go out and despite the wheelchair, I was doing okay even though in pain.
Consultants at Southend Hospital have refused my amputation request because they say they swore an oath to do no harm and yet harm has been done because of their refusal to listen to me, to understand and to basically have the balls to help me.
I am now at the point where I am scared, scared that I might do something silly. Either to the leg to force the issue with the consultants or worse.