The past links us to who we are, it connects us with people we have known both good and bad and it is what has made who we are today, but sometimes burning bridges to our past needs to be done in order for us to move forward!
We are all affected by our past, by the journey we have travelled and whilst for some people, the past is filled with happiness, for many people including myself, the past can hold us back from happiness and growth.
Sometimes we have to do something that seems like it is self-destructive by burning those bridges to the past to stop us either going backwards or by the past having a path to our now and continuing to hurt us.
And it is not easy to do because we often hold onto our past and our connections to the past even if it is hurting us, because that life is all we know and we find comfort in the familiar.
Go back to the first decade of this century, and I thought I was happy!
I thought that I was where I was meant to be, but my life came crashing down around me and I spent way too long grieving about the loss of my life as it was and lost sight of the future!
When we lose sight of the future and desperately cling to the past, we enter a downward spiral and no matter how hard we try and pull ourselves out of it, we keep returning to that downward spiral of anger, hurt & upset and the abandonment we feel consumes us.
We look back and see nothing positive in our past, it is just a cloud of negativity, and that cloud has no silver lining!
In order to move forward, we have to develop a ‘fuck you’ mentality, we have to give our past the middle finger and build a life without the ghosts of the past.
The old saying of “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” is never more important than it is here.
Yes, we need to burn bridges that lead to the past, but we have to be very careful to not ‘nuke’ our past, because even though at this point the past looks like nothing but darkness, in that darkness there is some light.
I did nuke my past!
I was angry at the betrayal, I was angry at those who judged me in an instant even though I didn’t deserve it, and so I didn’t just set light to that bridge to my past, I destroyed every part of it.
I had, as is obvious from the above photo, faith. That faith meant a lot to me, although I was always aware that I had not listened to my inner voice and was in fact parked in the wrong garage.
I even managed to get myself disconnected from the Roman Catholic Church & the Bishop withdrew every grace, sacrament and blessing ever bestowed upon me!
One night after the court case was over (long story), I lit a fire in the garden in one of those bins designed to burn rubbish and in went all the legal paperwork, in went my bibles and all the books on religion that belonged to me, in went anything related to the life I had lost.
I literally burnt my past and sat there watching!
We are now 13 years on from the time when my world fell apart, and I have never been happier.
Part of that happiness has come from honesty, and that is me being 100% honest about who I am and about my physical and mental health. I no longer hide the truth about my mental health in order to try and fit in with people who, in all honesty, never supported me or cared about me.
From an early age we all try and fit in, at school we adjust who we are in order to be liked and it forces us to not show certain parts of who we are!
This continues into our adult life and by then we are programmed to act in a certain way and to never show anything that could be perceived as weakness or anything that shows we are different.
I now envy the girl at school who climbed a tree and sat there meowing and then hissing at anyone who went near, that girl had courage to be different.
Having spent a decade not acknowledging a deity, I am once again reconnected.
Seeking help through therapy can be a great way of moving forwards and enable you to stop looking backwards, unfortunately the UK is ill-equipped to deal with mental health, grief, etc and the waiting lists for therapy on the NHS are way too long.
If you can, start the ball rolling and get your name on the list, you can now refer yourself for NHS Psychological Therapies.
But you can make a start on your own, there is a plethora of websites that are dedicated to helping, the page link below contains international helplines and websites.
As I said, one of the things you can do is to start by being honest with yourself, I know that it is not easy as we don’t always like what we see when we look inwards, but if we are to make steps to building a better life it is important.
If we want people to accept us for who we are, then we first have to accept who we are!
Hi my name is Zec, I suffer from anxiety, part of that is travel anxiety and anxiety about getting to a toilet. I am grumpy, I like my own company, and I am an intolerant old bastard. It seems I am Autistic and I have not sought diagnosis because I do not have the energy to battle doctors again. I am in constant pain, I am a wheelchair user and I am sociable online and on video chat, but please do not visit me! I talk to myself, my mind is messy and I often find myself disappearing inside my mind where pure fantasy lives. I’m married, I have been with my wife 31 years, married for 26 years, but that is her victory not mine, she is very tolerant. I have two daughters, three grandchildren and a fourth due very soon.