I spent so many months waiting for the warmer weather, knowing that the warmth would mean more lower pain days and more freedom but now I am looking out into the garden and its looking very autumnal and its September.
I met with the psychologist at the pain management clinic and she spoke about living in the day, how we should just focus on now and not what is coming, but I can’t help but worry about the approaching cold. I know I’m not alone when it comes to dreading winter, so many other people who suffer with chronic pain also have that dread feeling of winter.
I can feel it creeping up, I know that it means months of higher pain and stiffer joints, last winter felt like an eternity and I struggled with the pain and being stuck indoors for weeks at a time, last winter I became depressed. Luckily I recognised that I was struggling and of course my wife did as well and so I phoned the pain clinic and told them that I was struggling and that I needed help, that was in March and I finally got to meet with the pain clinic psychologist this week. I’m lucky that I have a wife who knows how to help, I’m lucky that I have family around me because if I was alone, I wouldn’t have made it through till spring.
What also helps to see me through those months is the thought of spring and getting out into the garden to soak up some of the suns heat, to feel better physically and mentally. Unfortunately this summer was a real let down, but it was still nice to be free of the cold.
Today I’m having a very bad flare up, everything hurts and my brain is on go slow. My current thought is how am I going to get through today and so that is what makes winter so damn hard, how do I get through the season of dreary and short days that are coupled with pain, every year my health slips a bit more and I am slowly becoming even more disabled. I keep on pushing through each day because I have a family, I’m not much use but I am a husband, father, grandfather and a son and so I owe it to them to keep going.
I apologise for the depressing post but this blog is about living life with pain and disability and so it will have it cover my low days.