Today I

Today I accomplished absolutely nothing and yet it feels as though it has passed in the blink of an eye!

I think this is what scares me the most, I’m 47 and life is speeding past as I lay watching the world go about its business. I have worked 24 hour shifts as an aircraft engineer, I have fought fires that have been started by military explosions, I have worked ankle deep in water working hard to fire off a proof batch of tank rounds before the tide comes back in.

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As I type that it feels like I’m lying, its hard to believe that I have had the privilege of carrying out jobs like that, it’s hard to believe that my body once allowed me to work that hard, but it did. I’m laying here on the settee and my legs are weak and it feels like one of those explosions hit me, I’m feeling foggy because I’ve taken so much morphine to get to this point in the day and soon I will need to take more to make sure I sleep tonight.
I guess this is why it’s so hard to know that people believe me to be lazy, laid here just because I can’t be bothered to take part in life, to pay my own way. I know that if I had a choice the last place I would be is laid here on the settee, I’m happiest when something mechanical is broken and I’m there trying to figure out how to repair it.

Thats all, just some evening thoughts that I decided to share.

5 thoughts on “Today I”

  1. It’s so annoying when people think we’re lazy because we’re not working and spending the majority of the time cooped up because we’re in too much pain – if only they knew and could feel it for one day, just one day!!!… I’d love nothing more to be able to start paying my taxes again… It really is soul-destroying being like we are…

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