On Saturday night when we went to bed, I checked my testicles for any lumps. I admit that that it’s been quite a while since I last checked, this has been down to the fact that I have been feeling very low (no pun intended) because of the pain and my even poorer health.
The strange thing is that I checked because I’m growing a beard, I know sounds mad, I have had no interest in anything because of low mood, constant pain 24/7 wears you down. But a few weeks ago I decided to stop shaving until the clocks go forward next year, after several weeks I now have a decent full beard and I have started to take more interest in my personal hygiene (not that I was stinky), daily beard grooming and taking a daily photo to show the growth has given me some interest (damn this sounds pathetic as I type it), I realise how bad my life has become when growing a beard is interesting.
So anyway, I check and I find a lump on leftie, I think my words were “oh crap”, a sudden feeling of dread swept over me and I immediately imagine the worst case scenario. Of course it had to be the weekend and so I have to wait to see a doc, but it’s now Monday morning and I’m booked in to see my GP at 11am.
Yesterday my mood was low and my family commented on how miserable I was, but I can’t stop thinking that this could be the worst kind of lump, cancer!
I have always had a real fear of cancer, obviously everyone does but a couple of family members had cancer when I was very young and I remember saying to my wife when we first together that my family don’t often make old age. This of course isn’t actually 100% true, its just how it felt when I was young, now we have several oldies in the family, but I’m still convinced that I won’t make it beyond my sixties.
So now it’s a waiting game, I will see the GP today and he will refer me to a specialist, this all takes time and meanwhile I will have convinced myself that it’s definitely cancer.