Spoonie Sex, is it worth the extra pain or fatigue?
Oh no, he mentioned sex!
Yes I did and why not, we all do it, well some fly solo!
Today my pain levels are way up and transferring to and from the wheelchair is difficult, all this because last night I took the wedding vows of ‘to have and to hold‘ literally!
Obviously the way in which I perform in the bedroom has had to change, me and my wife have had to find a way, a position that I can now mange. Even so, sex causes me extra pain, reduced spoons, a flare up and a smile on my face, but is it worth it?
Well of course it is only natural that a couple who are in love, would want to have sex, it is possible to go without it but as long as I can still manage it, I will.
The joke has always been about the woman saying “No, I have a headache”, well now it is my wife worrying about how much extra pain it will cause me, of course my male brain is totally blocking that out at the thought of sex and I also think that I am prepared to be in more pain. Somehow pain that you have caused and for a good reason, is mentally easier to handle!
Of course there is always the fact that for a short period of time (minutes) the pain is easier as the brain releases Dopamine, it is known as the pleasure drug and associated with those feelings of happiness and contentment we have when we have sex and it can also help to temporarily help with pain. However it is very short-lived and we then have to deal with the extra pain, discomfort and fatigue from the physical act of sex.
For me sex has changed for the better since becoming disabled, it meant I had to rethink things and slow down a little and the unexpected result was a sex life that is way better than it had ever been.
Also one thing that the old me would have been very surprised by is that if I am having a day where my hips and or back are causing me a lot of grief, then I am quite happy to, well lets say I still will make sure Mrs R is catered for, hang on catered for makes it sound like, oh what the hell, you know what I mean!?
Having a bedroom ‘tool kit’, yes some sex toys from somewhere like Lovehoney something that many people have tucked in a draw and they are especially ‘handy’ (ooeerr matron) when one of you is disabled. They are not the overly kinky 50 shades style of sex that people think about when you mention sex toys. It can just be a way of enjoying sex when you struggle to move and just because one of you isn’t up for it because of high pain levels, that doesn’t men your partner has to miss out!
Young people have trouble imaging that people my age have a sex life and some people would be surprised that disability doesn’t change our urges and needs.
Of course being British means that people for some reason aren’t comfortable discussing sex but we are all (most of) through the act of sex and it is something that is a basic need within all of us.
At the end of the day it is your decision, if you are willing to have extra pain, discomfort, fatigue or whatever symptoms are likely to occur, then that is your decision. Yes it may be difficult for your partner to know that this intimate act will cause you problems but it is down to you!
So for me yes it is worth a few days of higher pain levels and fewer spoons!
Disability doesn’t necessarily mean an end to a good sex life!