In December 1996 I collapsed, I have blogged about why before and so won’t go into the details but the outcome was that we lost our home, this was our sixth home as a couple and finally no more renting and so leaving that property was very upsetting.
Five properties later we are once again happy where we live, but it’s still a rental property and because of the fact that I need an accessible property (well as accessible as we could find) and the fact that our corner of the country is expensive to rent, we have to top up the rent using my disability living allowance.
I know that some people will just say that we should find somewhere cheaper, well we have, that’s why we moved here.
This property is a £100 cheaper than the last, its a bit colder and my wife has to fight to stop the mould in the winter but it’s home to us and we like the area.
I don’t deal with our finances anymore, the stress of trying to survive on the money we receive only makes me even more unwell and now we have another problem, it’s not happened yet but we know it will and the wait is causing stress and sleepless nights.
PiP, the Personal independence Payment has replaced disability allowance, this was brought about by the Conservatives because they wanted to change the disability living allowance criteria but couldn’t and so they scrapped it for PiP!
I had received like many others an indefinite award for DLA meaning it was for life, when we saw this on the letter we were so happy, one stress had been relieved and it felt like winning the lottery, so you can imagine how we felt when DLA was scrapped!
I have read stories of people applying for PiP and being refused and its a lot of people and so we are now scared because losing DLA and failing to be awarded PiP will mean that we will more than likely have to move again.
However it’s not that easy because finding a rental property when on welfare is not easy, well unless you want to live in a bedsit. Then there are the funds required for rental which are one months rent up front and one months rent as a deposit and then of course the agency fees. Obviously we have the deposit on this property but you dont get that back until you have moved out and the property has been inspected.
So we would need.
An accessible property where the landlord accepts welfare
About £1800 deposit and fees
Money for removal costs
I don’t dream of living in a huge house with a swimming pool and cinema room, I dream of staying here where I’m happy and never having to move again.
I’m tired, once a proud man but now worn down by pain and illness, moving is stressful and tiring but add in disability, pain and fatigue and its made much worse. When we moved here I was brought round with some cushions and I laid in an empty property on the floor for several hours whilst our old property was emptied and loaded onto a van. Its hard to describe the emotions I felt, I was having a flare up because of trying to help pack and so I laid there in pain and alone, it was the second time I had seen the new property as my wife took care of everything, I had only briefly seen it the night before.
I know I’m not alone as I have talked to other people who are unwell and or in pain, routine and a sense of normality is important for me, I now feel safe and secure here but on that day when I was laid on the floor in an unfamiliar and empty property I felt scared, my world at that moment had been turned upside down.
I wish I knew why chronic pain and illness has changed me so much, it’s hard for me to write down how I now feel because I’m after all still a man and yet when things go wrong, when things drastically change like the day we move, I’m more like a frightened child and to admit that is very difficult. I wish was a disabled warrior, a heroic wheelchair user, brave in the face of disability and pain, sometimes I am brave but I am changed, beaten and bruised from the fight and scared that I have no choice but to carry on!