I can remember the first time I used a wheelchair, a sense of freedom and yet a sense of imprisonment. Then when I recieved my wheelchair I didn’t use it for weeks, this was mainly because of fear, a fear of losing my freedom.
Since then I have gotten use to being in a wheelchair and I have often said that the wheelchair doesn’t bother me, it’s the pain. I would be okay with the rest of my life in a wheelchair and without the pain I would be able to do so much more.
However last night I had a wobble, a strange thing happened. I went to go to the kitchen and the caster wheel on my wheelchair caught on something, this isn’t unusual because our fourteen month old grandson spreads his toys everywhere and just to get to the toilet, I have to ask for help to clear the way and I have often cursed a toy car or a wooden block, but last night I cursed the wheelchair and suddenly had a feeling that I hadn’t felt for some years.
I spoke to my wife about it when we went to bed, I told her how I felt like I couldn’t do this anymore, how I suddenly felt very trapped and was unsure how I could face being disabled after one trivial incident.
I do also struggle when I see a programme on the television and its rolling hills and beautiful countryside, I miss being out in the middle of nowhere with my boots on, walking for hours.
I don’t know why I had that moment last night, but I’m happy to report that today all is good!