I am often stuck indoors for long periods.
The main reason is that I am always in pain and also suffer from chronic fatigue and slowly over the years it has become worse meaning I am stuck indoors.
Being stuck indoors doesn’t bother me!
I think the reason I am not bothered is that I have tried so many times throughout my life to integrate into society, every time I have been treated badly and left scarred by it.
I was bullied at school and so I took the option of bunking off, I am an only child and so I have learnt to be happy on my own and I would spend the hours in the countryside learning about nature, the animals, plants, weather etc.
The last job I had was for a company called Keymed, working with medical and industrial endoscopes. There I had an accident that was their fault and that finished my knee off and when I made a formal complaint, the management reacted by concocting a library of bullshit claims about me and my behaviour. Then sacked me for intimidation, sexual misconduct and blah blah blah, all bullshit!
At the time I was also voluntering as a lay minister in our local Catholic church, despite over the years giving countless hours in service and covering for a lazy, alcoholic and disinterested Priest, the end result was that I lost my faith and was hideously let down by the Brentwood Diocese, the priest covered his arse by attacking me and the then Bishop Thomas swept it all under his massive rug!
That is a very quick account of it all, but it has left scars that no one can see and yet haunt me years later.
So yes, I am okay with being isolated because my experiences of being part of society means that I would rather not mix with people and risk being hurt again and again.
I know that sounds a bit defeatist, but it is self protection and the ones that I love are around me and they are all I need!
The sad thing is that I am not alone in feeling this way, everyday countless kids are bullied and some to a point where they take their own lives.
It doesn’t stop at school, in the workplace bullying, bitching, back stabbing and just general shit behaviour is rife and people don’t think twice about doing it.
How are we meant to stop wars, stop racism, homophobia, xenophobia, sexism, disabilism when the majority of people behave in this way?